I've spoken about this before elsewhere, but sure I might as
well talk about it here too...-
Self-doubt is a horrible thing. It can completely stop you from doing
something you love, for no other reason than you don't believe in
yourself. As a photographer, I, very often, get imposter syndrome, a
feeling that I shouldn’t be there…
Back in December 2021, I was asked to photograph the Tolka HotClub at a gig in Sin É, Dublin. The
self-doubt kicked in very early that morning.
It gave me a million different reasons to cancel. Somehow, I managed to quieten the noise in my
head and off I headed into Dublin.
When I got to the venue, I nearly turned around and walked out
the door. Why? Well, there was no stage
lighting at all, bar some string lights twinkling away. As you can imagine, the self-doubt came back
with vengeance! But I was there, and the
worst that could happen was the band would never talk to me again, so I started
to shoot.
The first half of the show was an absolute disaster for me. I just couldn't get to grips with the lack of
light at all. During a break, I
remembered that I had two small LED lights in my bag, and I placed them either
side of the stage. They made all the
difference. The stage still wasn’t well
lit, but now I had shadows to play with and splashes of light to capture. I still didn't believe I would photograph
anything of note, but at least I had a chance to get something I could send the
band!
You’re probably wondering where I am going with this. Well, today, the Tolka Hot Club release their
debut album, and on the cover of that album, is a photo I took that night in Sin
É.
I know, I know, it’s not my album, it’s not my music, but, forever
more, my photo will be associated with that album, and I can’t even begin to
explain how proud I am of that. Self-doubt,
imposter syndrome, whatever you want to call it, almost robbed me of this, but
I fought though it. I won.
I guess the whole point of this is that you are the major
limiting factor in everything you do. If
you allow self-doubt to win every time, you will not get even the smallest of
wins. But, if you can slap it down once,
you can slap it down again, and again, and again! It may come back to visit every so often, but
fight through it, because the rewards can be massive.
A few last words to the Tolka Hot Club, thank you for bringing me along for the ride. If you'd like to buy a copy of the album, and I'd suggest you do, you can buy it from Bandcamp.
